I am					I am not					I hate

I suspect			I control							I believe

		I am proud of			I want			I am afraid

		I am afraid of						I am sure

I am not					I am not like					I think

I agree with							I
listen to				I don’t listen to

I am			so I know best.

							I hate 			only because you love it.

I control			because I used to be one.

			I agree with 			under any circumstances.

	I suspect			even while I’m asleep.

						I am afraid		will find me if I fall in the bathtub.

I am afraid 		wants my power.

					I am afraid of		crawling into bed with me at night.

	I am sure 		will bring down the value of my house by moving in next door.

		                                                       I suspect		is listening.

I know			has put a tracking device in my womb.

				I suspect		does not have the right to remain silent.

	I listen to		that I know.

							I believe		have stolen my future. 

	I don’t listen to			that does not have a vagina.

				I am afraid		never read "The Cross and the Switchblade."

				I think		is the antichrist we’ve been waiting for.

	I am sure 		are actively plotting my death.

							I listen to		and no one else.

I believe		is seventy-six percent heretic, and twenty percent liar, and four percent lunatic.

				I love			because no one ever told me different.

	I am			because I never got a choice.

I need			more than you do.

					I am proud of			only when it belongs to someone else.

			I need			right now.			 			 

						I want 			off my White House lawn.

I want			kept away from my children.

				I want 			to leave me alone. 

*Answer key (choose your order): Academics, adulterers, Americans, an abortion survivor, bi-curious, bipartisan, bicycle pairs, concealed weapons, confidence, emotional, everyone, floundering in life, government, green, identity papers, inexperienced with other races, Jesus, middle-aged people, myself, my country, my cigarette brand, my doctor, my principles, my spouse, no one, not a fact checker, not a feminist, not what I aspired to be, old people, only immigrants from certain countries, people who know about modern art, people with disabilities, people who work for me, pretending I didn’t fuck in high school, questions about geography, recycling, racism, representation, saggy borders, side huggers, strangers, self-appointed prohibitionists, the animals we don’t eat, the confederate flag, the fact you have hair, the frayed rope pulling in the life preserver, the homeless, the image of two men kissing, the media, the new constitution I wrote while sitting on the toilet, the president, the Rebel Alliance, the supreme court, the terrorists, undertakers, Waco, what I was promised, whatever you said, women with microphones, your candidate, your god, your degree, your experience, your sin, your sex.